I was talking to a friend the other day about the church he and his family attend. He was sharing a lot of great things about it, but then he mentioned the “click” word. I have heard the following phrase said in churches – “feels like a click or a private club.” Every time I hear it, I honestly get a little frustrated by it. Sure, in every church you are going to have some people that just spend more time together in and out of church and they it might even appear that they are a “click.” But in the majority of cases, they are not. Now they may have lost their way a little in asking people to join them, but what stops you or I asking to join them?
My friend was explaining all those wonderful things, but said he and family were having a hard time getting to know people and just felt like they were intruding at times. So, I asked him this question: “are you actively involved in your church?” He stared blankly at me and asked me what I meant by this. I explained that if you want to get to know people in your church, meet people where they are and begin new real relationships – you have to DO something. You honestly cannot expect to come to church, walk in grab your coffee, go to your seat, listen to the sermon and then get up and leave and think you are going to develop relationships.
His reply was one that I have heard before, we don’t have much time on Sundays. Fine, what about a connection group? What about volunteering? What about asking someone random to go out for lunch or a coffee? He and his family were completely unplugged from their church, yet here he was wanting to check mine out, because currently they cannot connect. So, he and I came up with a game plan of sorts:
– Check out the church website for connection groups / life groups
– Sign up for 1
– Ask someone at church to help you plug in and volunteer
– Instead of walking in and grabbing that coffee and then straight to the seat – mingle, smile and actually say hello and make eye contact with people.
– DON’T expect any and all to be there to meet your needs – we are all at different places in our journey with Christ. Each of us has needs, but different levels and it’s unfair to expect others to meet needs – especially if they don’t even know you. Build those relationships!
I asked him to do the above and give it 60 days and then let me know how things are going. Nothing special about 60 days – just figure its enough time to get a small feel of a group, volunteering, etc. to hopefully notice a change. I will revisit with an update on this in August!
NOW – before commenting – I only want to see positive comments about your church, how you have connected or how they have helped you connect. Please don’t start blaming, criticizing churches or people. All of us are messed up, loving God and looking for friendships.